Last blog I encouraged people to take time to figure out where they actually are, not where they want to believe they are. So, if you have joined in and are indeed tracking your time, then keep at it, because next blog we will put the data to good use.
I can already say that I’ve seen a few surprises in how I spend my time and have become quite convinced that nothing good comes from the amount of news I read. It is actually kind of ironic that I do it, because I generally loathe talking about the news and often tell clients of mine to be careful of how they interact with news stories. Still, I am just keeping track and raising my own awareness of where I actually am before I make knee-jerk changes that tend to be fleeting. In addition to media use, I am noticing habits in my daily life, people I interact most with, and am becoming aware again of things I spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about. All of this by just tracking myself for a couple of weeks. It is not too late to start if you want to make meaningful changes in 2018….
OK, so that is the exercise of ‘where’ I am, now before I jump on any particular change-train, I need to consider where I am going. As a clinician, I can honestly say that one of the most commonly missed steps in goal setting is taking the time to figure out what you want and why. Given that the world we live in today is fairly instant, stopping to think deeply about something we do is somewhat passé. But if you don’t figure this out then you may end up with goals that aren’t meaningful to you, or going about achieving them in ways that are not motivating to you.
Here’s an example from my own life to drive this point home. I don’t exercise because of a deep interest in health, I actually exercise because I have made it about belonging and adventure. When I tie weight exercises with snowboarding, it is very easy for me to get myself to the gym. Similarly, when I included my kids in the 6 a.m. sweat fest it became about something so much more important to me than weight loss or health, it became about belonging in our family. 
The kicker is that when my community and belonging needs are satiated, as they were over the holiday or in the summer when we have an endless roster of guests gathering with us for long lazy days, then my commitment and resolve for the gym vaporizes
quickly. It also means that for me, if I want to achieve a specific fitness goal, it would be extremely helpful to tie it to something other than fitness. Hence, why immediately after writing this blog I enlisted the interest of family to run a half-marathon in September. It is also one reason why I rally The Practice Calgary team to participate in the Scotia Bank Marathon as a fundraising effort in May of most years (I was lucky enough to be abroad last May so I did miss it).
Of course, I believe in fundraising and fitness, however if I am completely honest I gain a lot more out of the motivation of a specific adventure and my spirit in absolutely filled by the experience of coming together with others and connecting to the broader community of Calgary. Because I know this, I also know that weight loss goals on their own will generally not hold enough motivation to carry me through the lows. You may end up at the same place as someone else, but your how and why may be different – and knowing that could be the difference between persistence and dropping out.
Obviously, you are now completely convinced that knowing you how and why are important, so how do you figure that out? Shockingly I am going to ask you to do some more self-
reflection… There are a few different ways, and yes, the time tracking that we are already doing will help, but one of my favorite ways is to stop and think about your “Personal Highs”.
What moments in my personal and professional life am I most proud of?
What moments in my personal and professional life stand out to me as a time when I was Happiest?
Why? What stands out at you or what are you focused on in /about that moment?
Write out as many moments as you come to mind. Once these are written down do a quick internet search (I refuse to use “Google” as a verb… or “journal” for that matter), of “Personal Values”, and you should see roughly 30,000,000 results in about 0.51 seconds (search results stats add to the heap of ridiculous information out there). Pick a list, any list that you like. Then stand back, look at the moments, and see if you can group them together according to a core value from said list.
Here’s an example with my grouped events that came to mind, and the value(s) in bold.
My Personal High Moments
Acceptance into doctorate; opening my own business, research – Achievement and Challenge.
Residency, The Practice Calgary, Shuswap, dinner parties, marathon / half-marathon Carm-a-palooza (not the time to explain) – Belonging and Community
Travel, snowboarding, water skiing and boarding, marathon – Adventure
Writing, public speaking, blog, painting – Expression and Creativity, Influence
You may notice that I put some events in a couple of categories. I did this because it seemed right to me, it makes sense to me that some events hit on multiple values but if it doesn’t for you then don’t do that. I selected each category by looking closely at ‘why’ I am proud or happy in a specific memory. I am so proud of my doctorate education because the odds seemed insurmountable at one time. I had two kids, my own business which means a certain precarious nature to my income, and I had been out of school for a while. It was tough to put my name in the ring of potential applicants, to risk failure or to not have the stamina if I did get in. I am proud that I was accepted and that I have been successful in my endeavors. I am happy when I paint because I love the feeling of creating and seeing the end result (I really don’t need others to see it).
I am happy when I am on the side of a mountain because I constantly think to myself how wild it is that I am on the side of a mountain with no real certainty what will happen next. The why helps me define my value.
One thing that was surprising to me is that some of the values that I would have said I have, prior to this exercise, didn’t come up at all. I would have expected; compassion& authenticity, fun & humor, openness, trustworthiness, and generosity to be critical to me. I have often said to people how much I value fun, but when I really look at it, I may have a lot fun but I value the adventure, challenge, and community and probably experience something as fun because those needs are being met. It makes sense then that putting fun as the driver to an event in the past has left me unsatisfied. Light bulb moment.
Take the time to explore values, see what surprises you, what is predictable, and keep tracking your time. Next blog we will pull this together with defining meaningful goals with the right motivators and useful metrics to help you get there!
Carmen Dodsworth, BSc., MA.
Registered Psychologist