What do you really want? What are you doing to get it? Many of us can say the goals we think we want, we even know a lot about what we should do to reach them, but time and time again we just can’t get going or we can’t keep going. In reality, there are fairly common roadblocks to change that I address in my work with clients.
1. Many change plans fail because people underestimate the impact of not addressing their mindset. You can have all the tools, well-made plans, and support available to you but if you do not get your mindset right then it will be next to impossible to create lasting change. Often, we are more committed to our vision of how we see things, what we believe about ourselves and the world than we are to the change we wish we could see. Learn about how you think and the assumptions you make about yourself and the world. Nothing will take the wind out of your sails faster than bullying self-talk.
2. We don’t accept the realities of life. Frustration, sadness, fatigue and setbacks are all inevitable realities in life. Many of us set out on a path and convince ourselves that this time we are committed enough. Committed enough to what? Unfortunately, we often mean that we are committed enough not to experience some of the inevitable realities of life. If we misinterpret these experiences as indications that our plan is not good enough, assume it means that we will inevitably fail, or that we are incapable of actually making these changes, then we will quit. Our reactions to reality become significant sources of frustration, our motivation drops, and we once again make an incorrect assumption – that our lack of motivation is a reason to quit.
3. Waiting for the magical moment is another saboteur of change. Why? Because there is no magical moment. We live in a world of mostly instant gratification, surface level communication and distraction. Most of us have become increasingly impatient and unfamiliar with real-life. When you stop smoking, there is no magical moment in which you become a non-smoker, when you go on a diet there is no instant in which you become healthy, and when you start exercising there is no set time when you become an athlete. You won’t suddenly feel different, and when you wait for that you are likely to give-up out of a false belief that what you are doing is making no difference. To be clear, there is no neutral, you are always moving in a direction towards or away from the things you want. It is more correct and motivating for you to identify yourself as a health-conscious, non-smoking athlete the day you begin the change process.
4. But it feels awkward. Of course it does! You have made a change and while you are adapting and integrating these changes into your life and sense of self it will feel weird. It is like learning a foreign language and requires a lot of conscious thought and tolerance for things not to be natural to you in the beginning. First you will feel awkward disengagement and even a sense of disorientation. This is the ‘fake it till you make it’ phrase that blasted motivational speaking circuits in the 80s. What many of those speakers forgot to highlight is the important of letting go before you can fully engage with and integrate the changes you have made.
5. We define it wrong. During the change process, it is very important to consider what your measure of success is. Nobody can lose 50lbs. today, but you can take action today. If you define success by showing-up consistently, then you can identify success in a very short amount of time. The mantra I repeat to myself almost daily is to “show up today”, it is obtainable and allows me to have low energy days and days where I hit it out of the park. Both are successes. Also, if you pay attention to the positive feeling that you have when you leave the gym (more awake, less stressed, better mood) instead of the number on the scale, then the change will be more reinforcing. The scale can be part of the big picture, but the habits you create in the short and medium term should be your focus first.
6. We don’t actually want it, but we think we do. The best example for this is the beach body. So many people think they want the beach body, but they have never actually thought about what goes with that. Calories, hours in the gym, no alcohol. All deal breakers because that is not the life they picture for themselves. Before you embark on a change plan stop and look realistically at what it will look like and ask yourself whether that is something that really fits you.
Carmen.