Tag: Wellness

Posted on

An Opportunity for Growth

Everyone needs to deal with the pandemic in their own way, so in no way do I want to push an agenda here. Instead, I’d like to consider the possible use of focusing on wellness, health, and opportunity to at least try to counter balance the negative. 

Behind the clouds you’ll find the sun, and in the chaos you may find opportunity. Remember though, you won’t find what you are not looking for.

Let This Spark Change. It is hard when we think all day long about what we can’t do. When a mindset of restriction and limitation sets in our brains naturally seek out information that confirms this belief. It actually magnifies it too, because negative thoughts are magnetic and collect allies in rapid time. To get out of this spiral, you have to intentionally look for areas where either we are not limited or where we are benefiting. This is a far cry from being glad that this has happened, that is too far of a stretch for me, but I can acknowledge that not everything that I have changed as a result of isolation has been bad. Without my commute, it is easier to work out during the day (these are not good work outs by the way), and my friendships have become a priority and therefore are deepening. I’ve been pushed to learn about on-line group delivery, and now that I see how much easier it is for people to attend these I will prioritize this service delivery going forward. Is it possible that after isolation we will continue to intentionally seek out connection? I hope so. 

Being so intentional about coming together has imparted on me how much I love and need my friends.

Form Healthier Habits. I don’t think that now is the time to overhaul your life, although by all means do it if it is right for you. But this could be a time to break the all-or-nothing rigidity that stops so many of us from taking self-care seriously. The reason I think this may be the right time to learn about the importance of small steps is that many of us feel like small steps are all we have got right now. Being satisfied with a less-than exercise session, eating a slightly healthier dinner, or keeping the sweets to a smaller portion while refusing to beat yourself up would be examples of small-step change that interrupt black-and-white thinking. This is important because our own rigidity and judgement are the ultimate destroyers of personal change. 

FINALLY Learn to Let Go.  I had an amazing conversation with someone last week. He shared that his entire life he has resisted accepting what is and that finally, he has accepted he is not in control. Pain often comes from the reality of our world, but suffering comes from our mental and emotional resistance to it. If you can be patient with yourself, and slowly notice where your attention has shifted from acceptance of what is to resistance, then you can gently invite yourself to acceptance. This will pass and it will unfold as it will. If you focus on positive action towards things you can control, you will weather the storm in a better state. 

The Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. with Richard Mendius, MD is a great book filled with neuroscience explanation and practical tips to help separate pain from suffering.

When it all rises too high, I am reminded that there is nothing we can do but surrender to the reality that we are ultimately not in control. After the panic, there is peace.

Shift into Self-Compassion. You’re tired, cranky, short with your family, not as productive as you should be…the list of shortcomings is endless these days. Rather than constant striving to be 100%, maybe you could just give yourself a break. Be kind, recognize that your 100% today is at a different level, and where did we even get the idea that being 100% all the time is the goal? What about saying, “that’s ok, it’s a big day” or “hey, maybe you need a rest and reset here?” Instead of giving space to the nagging inner-critic, what if you actually wished yourself wellness, peace, and health? 

My absolute favorite speaker on the subject of self-compassion is Sharon Salzberg. While all her work is worthy of attention her book, Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection is profound yet practical.

A couple of more resources:

Chelsea Gohd wrote a fun and on-point article sharing tips from astronauts for coping with isolation:

https://www.space.com/astronaut-tips-for-handling-isolation-coronavirus.html

Join our community as we discuss positive changes we can focus on during isolation! We’re hosting a free ZOOM session Thursday April 16, 2020 at 4:30pm.

 Email [email protected] for the link to join. 

In health, 

Carmen

Posted on

Cancel the “COVID 15”

“Freshman 15” has been an expression used for many generations.  Many people are aware of the term but to explain, the “freshman 15” phrase was coined to highlight the weight gain many young adults experience in their first year of university or college.  Why are new university/college students susceptible to the freshman 15… Well, there are many factors.  The start of university or college for most young adults involves moving out of the house.  Young adults now have to fend for themselves buying groceries, making food, or just making balanced choices.  Often the foods eaten are high calorie high carbohydrate foods.  Add to this that many students stay late into the night which can create boredom.  Students also tend to “party” more which may include alcohol or cannabis. Late night foods are then sought after including pizza and chips.  Students also take time to adjust to their new very busy schedules so extracurricular activities such as sports teams or working out often fall to the wayside.  Easy to see how weight gain happens.  

Time can create space for us to take care of ourselves in a new way, but it can also lead to boredom and falling away of health and self-care.

Now let’s switch to the present. Why is this expression relevant today when students are now at home doing online learning? The expression “freshman 15” has now morphed into the term “Covid 15”.   I read a great post about people having TIME during this isolation period.  I found the word a very powerful one.  Life is normally filled with work, school, sports, appointments, social activities etc. This is the first time in my lifetime where we have TIME.  While there are many positives to having more TIME … time to clean, time to learn to bake, time to help others … TIME also lends itself to issues like boredom, mindless eating, drinking more, etc.  

The majority of us are now at home full-time.  We are being encouraged to stay at home and often to stay indoors.  For many of us this leads to consuming more calories and likely exercising less.  Normally during a work day, we do not have close proximity to a fridge and we are busy with our work, with coworkers, with going to the gym, or just not having 24/7 access to food.  Now we are at home where the fridge and pantry are easily accessible.  We have many more hours to fill with work, educating and entertaining our children, and passing the TIME.  Here’s where the new expression “Covid 15” comes into play.  Posts are plentiful on social media like Cookie Monster chowing down on cookies and people talking about their struggles to not eat during isolation. Stress is also a factor of course because we know that people tend to reach for refined carbohydrates during increased stress, both for pleasure and for the instant kick that comes with sugar. Let’s be honest … it’s hard not to overeat while isolating.  

Social Media is proliferated with picture of satisfying carbs, which have taken the place of more balanced choices for many of us.

It’s not hopeless. “ Covid 15” can be avoided.  Here are some tips:

  1. Ask yourself or your child(ren) why they are in the fridge/cupboard.  Are you/they HUNGRY or do you/they just WANT food?  Often it is about WANT which often stems from issues like boredom, stress, or unhappiness.   The key is to find alternate activities to eating.  Some suggestions include:
    1. Drinking a full glass of water.
    2. Going for a walk (even a short one).
    3. Changing the location you are in (if possible).
    4. Distracting yourself with another activity.  
    5. Create a schedule during the day that includes snacks and meals with the goal of sticking to the schedule.
    6. Having healthy snacks on the kitchen table: Vegetables (celery is a great one as it takes a long time to chew), fruit, popcorn, flavored water (it’s fun to come up with different flavors like raspberry or cucumber water).  
    7. Be active and come up with new activities that you and/or your family could try: Skip rope (much harder than you think), throw a ball outside, create fun indoor games (my kids used ping pong balls and chipped them into plastic cups).
    8. Be MINDFUL.  Often our eating/drinking habits are done mindlessly.  The more mindful we are about what we are eating/drinking, how much and how often… the more successful we are at staying healthy. 
    9. Watch portions.  Smaller plates are a great way of reducing portions without seeing a difference. 
    10. Set goals.  Challenge yourself/your family to stay healthy in all areas during this pandemic. 

Get outside as much as you can. Being out of our house, while distancing, helps break up visual boredom, gets us away from our fridge, and boosts energy. This may be even more important should our ability to leave be further restricted in the days to come.

We are all in this but “Covid 15” doesn’t have to become a reality.  This could be an OPPORTUNITY to become even healthier.  

Dr. Liann Meloff is a registered psychologist with over 18 years of experience and holds a Ph.D. in Applied Psychology. 

Posted on

The Call for Self-Compassion

Week three is winding down as restrictions across our city are amping up, the weekend, typically a part of the week I look forward to a lot has become an even more difficult time. Last weekend I was caught off guard; the weekend was an even stronger reminder of COVID-19. There would be no enjoyment of our beautiful city, no play in the mountains, and no enjoyment of the escape from work. Everything felt heavier, with more time to feel it with.

Weekends are no longer time for us to enjoy our beautiful city and unwind, which can make them very hard.

I spend a lot of time working with people to develop insight and strategies to help manage, and even move out of, difficult situations and feelings. When I look at where we are now, I realize that this is not enough. Sure, there is room for planning and strategy, but the reality is not going anywhere, jobs are lost, school is gone, freedom is limited. This is one of those times that we have to sit in it.

Compassion is a term we are all familiar with, although not always easy to exercise. Self-compassion is a much more foreign term, and in crisis it can be nothing short of evasive. If ever we have been called to self-compassion it is now. Thupten Jinpa, the Dalai Lama’s translator is a well-quote author and speaker on the issue of self-compassion, and he has often explained that self-compassion is “the instinctive ability to be kind and considerate to yourself.” Self-compassion is not selfish, narcissistic indulgence.

Self-compassion is critical right now, because as Jinpa point out without self-compassion “we don’t develop adequate resources within ourselves to be able to give more to others.” Right now, there is a global situation requiring endless compassion in order to respond. We cannot face suffering, fear, desperation in our world, city, family, and within ourselves without compassion.

When you beat yourself up for not coping well enough, helping the kids enough, having a clean enough house or healthy enough food, just stop! Think of yourself as a child, or any child for that matter, would you truly tell a child in the middle of COVID-19 to stop crying and get to work? No, or at least you shouldn’t. The correct response is to provide reassurance, notice that the global level of stress is high and we are all feeling it. You should be aware that giving the day your 100% means giving 100% of what you have in that moment. Maybe 100% today does not include a run. Maybe it’s about loving yourself and knowing that today you need to watch a comedy because you are feeling really sad.

Jinpa encourages, “Wouldn’t you feel instinctively protective toward this child? Instead of negative judgment, criticism and reprimand, would you feel tender and caring?”

My dear friend and colleague, Naomi, shared her story. Yesterday, after dropping her daughter off with her dad, Naomi burst into tears. She had no idea why, and all she could do to console herself was to think about her favorite bag of chips waiting for her at home. I affirmed Naomi for allowing herself to cry but she laughed, “I didn’t really have a choice.”

Relatable.

Then Naomi returned home opened the box where her chips were waiting only to find that the chips had spilled, all over a bottle of cleaner. Cue complete devastation. “Yes, but Naomi, you have to just accept that sometimes the chips matter,” I offered thinking about the overwhelming sadness I felt last Saturday because…well, I actually don’t know why. Maybe, the global pandemic?

The reason I thought to write about self-compassion is because last Saturday I felt the slump of the weekend, and I started beating myself up for not being able to pull myself out of my slump. Harsh self-criticism ensued. But wait, would I ever tell anyone else that their feelings are invalid or that they are wrong to feel what they do? No. Would I harshly judge someone for feeling low or limited?  No. The only correct response, and frankly the only place I could go with this is to acknowledge and accept, and be kind.

If you are interested in reading more, I recommend Thupten Jinpa’s book A Fearless Heart: How the Courage to Be Compassionate Can Transform Our Lives

Remember that many care providers, including our team, are offering remote sessions. Please, be compassionate and access support if you are in need.

Stay healthy and well

Carmen

Posted on

Tips For Keeping Mental Health While Working Remotely

As we move into the third week of physical distancing, many people are finding the transition a challenge to mange. Kids, house work, and work-tasks all need our attention, at a time when our capacity is depleted. Today our wonderful team member, Dr. Pat Ferris, shares some practical strategies to help those of us who are now working from home.

  • Keep a schedule. If you can keep your regular schedule, this will keep some familiar routine. If you can’t keep your old schedule, find a schedule that works for you. This might even feel good!
  • Get washed and dressed and get out of your PJs – and get out of bed too!
  • ‘Commute’ to work. Some people have described walking around the block before coming into the house to go to work.
  • Work in area separated for the purpose of work. If you live in a small space or don’t have a room for an office, can you screen off or organize furniture so that you have a space designed for work?
  • Use headphones to cancel out noise if you are in a busy home. And be careful of confidentiality. Make sure that others in your home can’t hear you talking. 
  • Take regular breaks. Get a tea/coffee, go out for a walk/run during lunch if this is your routine. 
  • Take breaks with co-workers. Can you have a virtual coffee or lunch date with co-workers?

Video platforms are a useful way to connect to others while we practice physical distancing.

  • Use video as much as you can. It makes communication better when you can see someone’s body language and facial expressions.
  • Keep in touch with your supervisor/manager -ask for / give positive feedback and support.
  • Have some fun but be respectful of others while emailing, texting, messaging and virtual meetings. Think twice before sending memes and jokes.
  • On the other hand, keep pictures of soothing scenes or funny images that make you laugh around you. 
  • Leave work behind a closed door/space at the end of your workday. Take that walk around the block, do a mental visualization of leaving work and being home.
  • Be compassionate with yourself. Working from home can be a change that requires adjustment and this requires additional energy. You may find yourself more tired. Take a 15-minute nap if you can, talk to someone, chill. 
  • If you feel anxious, take a moment and breathe, stretch, meditate, and practice gratitude for all the positives we have. This too will pass … and maybe out of all this, we can develop a renewed appreciation for life, health, connections and peaceful moments. 
  • If you are struggling with anxiety, worry, depression and coping you are not alone. We can help. The value of sharing your thoughts and struggles with a listening and supportive person can make a big difference for you.

Be compassionate with yourself. You may find yourself more tired. Take a 15-minute nap if you can, talk to someone, chill. 

What are some ideas you have implemented? Please share with us here, Instagram, or FaceBook!

Dr. Pat Ferris is a registered Clinical Social Worker who has worked in a wide range of clinical settings such as hospitals, community mental health, Employee Assistance Programs and private practice for over 35 years. She also has a Ph.D. in Industrial Organizational Psychology where she studied quality of life issues related to work such as stress, bullying and work life balance.

Posted on

The Competitive Ego

To start December and build off our November reflections along with some Navy Seal mental toughness insights, I thought I share this recommended book for anyone who has an ego. We all have basic human needs, and we have different degrees of those needs. The needs can be broken down into a high need to achieve, freedom, love & belonging, fun, and survival.

Many of us in work, sports, school, and in our social lives have a high need to achieve. We feel good when we get what we want. And we hate losing. Thus, as we get in the season of sports, school, and preparing for Xmas holidays…… I have been thinking about how we can find ourselves competing. And as we all know…… with politics, the economy, current trends in the work place, etc. that we can sometimes feel we are spinning our wheels in a toxic environment and/or thriving in a cooperative and productive environment.

However, we all have a certain amount of choice in how we perceive things. I have worked with many competitive athletes, coaches, leaders, and support staff over the years and here are a few notes I really appreciate from the book “Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing” written by Pro Bronson and Ashley Merryman.

I feel this info can also apply for our work with The Practice Clients who are working hard to achieve their goals in life, work, and family. It’s hard to be good at everything, and it feels great when we are achieving the goals we set. So, Let’s COMPETE!!!!!

How did that word feel for you???

Bronson and Merryman begin their case by explaining the difference between adaptive and maladaptive competitiveness.  They explain,

“Adaptive competitiveness is characterized by perseverance and determination to rise to the challenge, but it’s bounded by an abiding respect for the rules.”  What’s so wonderful about people who excel in adaptive competitiveness is that they “don’t have to be the best at everything – they only strive to be the best in the domain they train for.”  As a result, these types of people have what Bronson and Merryman consider healthy competitiveness, marked by “constant striving for excellence but not desperate concerns for rank.”

Maladaptive competitiveness, on the other hand, is “characterized by psychological insecurity and displaced urges.  It’s the person who can’t accept that losing is part of competing; it’s the person that competes when others around him are not competing.”  It’s the person that wins at all costs, regardless of whether he or she is breaking the rules.  These people don’t understand that cooperation is key to competition, and as a result, competition has gotten a bad rap.

The Journey teaches us different ways to compete, how winning and losing is not a bad thing. We care about winning and losing because we dare to care. The truth is we love to compete. It’s Fun. It gets us through things. And we get to learn to turn off our compete and reenergize for the next opportunity.

Many great coaches like preach that We Race Like We Train. We play like we practice. Our Mindset, habits, and work ethic will determine our direction. And the … “the inescapable conclusion is that years and years of practice are not, automatically, enough. In addition to the deliberate practice, success also depends on how well people compete. It hangs on how well they handle the psychoendocrine stress response, manage it, and even harness it…….everyone has that stress response, but we can interpret it differently, which drastically affects our performance..” – 9

Psychologists have studied and written about how we must strive and gain awareness regarding:

Learning How You Compete in each situation and realizing this is An Opportunity to further:

Understand Your SKILL to meet the challenge

Understand Your DISPOSITION

Learn How you MANAGE THE ENVIRONMENT

Improve your SELF-REGULATION skills

Here are some questions we ask our clients or they learn through our work.

  1. THE SKILL TO MEET THE CHALLENGE

Do you believe you have the skills, preparation, and commitment to execute at the level of challenge facing you?

What is your current physiological level and how did that impact your performance? Age, history, experience…..

Do you have winning experience?

“The mindset and self-belief you bring to the challenge will determine if you feel up to the challenge or feel threatened and distracted”.

Are you focused on the task?

Do you approach your Passion like a Professional with Deliberate Training?

These steps are often part of your preparation phase.

You Are Prepared and Ready with a clear goal directed focus

Execution: Performance Phase – you execute and perform with emotional engagement and task focus that aligns your physiological and technical execution.

In order to do this, we will also need to reflect on:

Are You executing at or above where you have been training?

1. UNDERSTAND YOUR DISPOSITION?

For example,

Is it good for your performance to swing for the fences?

Do you want to win everything or just compete when you know you can win?

Do you believe in your ability to WIN?

Do you have a winning identity/attitude to compete whether you win or not?

Are you really willing to take it to the next level and find a way to win?

Do you have the kind of GRIT to passionately persevere in pursuit of your long term goals, with a willingness to overcome any obstacles that lie in your path, because you value the path of being GRITTY.

You are hungry and yet stay humble to work and sacrifice like everyone else in life.

You Understand your pattern of self-perception and how you perceive the task in order to compete the best with what you have on that day.

Mindset a critical and overlooked aspect of performance.

The mindset and self-belief you bring to the challenge will determine if you feel up to the challenge or feel threatened and distracted.

Athletes for example, underperform more often due to being internally distracted (because they don’t feel good enough) vs. externally distracted.

We learn how to free ourselves up to perform vs. get in our own way, make excuses, or focus on task-irrelevant information

2. MANAGE THE ENVIRONMENT

Do you practice routines that you’re comfortable with and give you confidence or do you let the uncontrollables affect your emotional readiness and focus?

Disposition (you/us) vs. the Environmental Demands

3. PERFORMANCE DEMANDS

You Learn to face the vast array of environmental challenges and stressors…… and you are typically pressured to meet the performance demands and standards set by yourself and others.

Learning to COMPETE requires navigating through the Specific SKILLS required, Your DISPOSITIONAL characteristics, the Environment, and the PERFORMANCE DEMANDS facing you.

ACTUAL PERFORMANCE IS HOW YOU COMPETE WITH GRIT AND TASK IQ. And then learning how to do it at a consistently high level requires self-regulation strategies you have learned WORK FOR YOU.

“We play like we practice. Our Mindset, habits, and work ethic will determine our direction“.

SELF-REGULATION SKILLS

The Big 4: Self-talk, emotional management, goal setting, and imagery

Did you have clear goals today?

Do you have success memories for this challenge?

How did you manage the situational demands to compete today?

Did you focus on the task or did you give yourself an out?

Do you give yourself permission to recover?

Your Are Either Winning Or You’re L……….

  • THE POWER OF DEBRIEFING TO FORMULATE EMOTIONAL MEMORIES FOR FUTURE FOCUS

The Amygdala deals with the passionate perceptual emotions when you compete. It puts the punch into memory formation

These perceptions filter into your memory (Hippocampus)

Your Memories (through a proper debrief) set up your subconscious, future emotional experience, and task focus.

Do you use a trusted team to provide you with feedback? Do you have people who will level with you vs. just tell you what you want to hear?

Derek Robinson, Registered Psychologist

Here at The Practice Calgary, we pride ourselves in helping our clients along the journey. Supporting them as the learn, work, and remember what strategies are helping them achieve their needs. Our promise to you is our striving to bring real, authentic, and practical strategies in working together.

Notes and thoughts by Derek Robinson (December, 2019)

Posted on

Food, Mental Health, and Wellness.

Farmer’s Market Freshness

This month our team is sharing ideas about “beating the blahs” in November. This, of course, is the non-technical term for dips in mood, increases in anxiety and stress, and overall decreased sense of wellbeing that many people face in the colder months of winter (and apparently fall this year in Calgary).  

Rory Hornstein, RD

Even though many of us will struggle more with mental health challenges in the winter, the link between diet and mental health is a year-long issue. This week we had the chance to talk with our resident Registered Dietician, Rory Hornstein, about the link between diet, mental health, and wellness and here’s what she had to say. 

“Studies suggest probiotic applications to the gut can reduce anxiety and depression via the vagus nerve. 

Questions remain that touch the core of being human: 

(i) Do our microbes influence happiness and to what extent? 

(ii) What components of the gut microbiota and their function relates to mental health? 

(iii) What role do environmental pollutants (and diet) play in this microbes-host ecosystem? 

Quick Tip: Reach for real food first. Eat a minimum of five fruit & vegetables and at least five servings of whole grains daily

Lower bacterial diversity has been observed in people with inflammatory bowel disease, psoriatic arthritis, type 1 diabetes, atopic eczema, coeliac disease, obesity, type 2 diabetes, and arterial stiffness.  The association between reduced diversity and disease indicates that a species-rich gut ecosystem is more robust against environmental influences, as functionally related microbes in an intact ecosystem. Consequently, diversity seems to be a generally good indicator of a “healthy gut”. Specific foods and dietary patterns can all influence the abundance of different types of bacteria in the gut, which in turn can affect health. Changes to the gut microbiota can occur within days of changing diet. We can increasingly modify health through food and measure the effects through our microbes or metabolites. Fiber is a key nutrient for a healthy microbiome.

Oatmeal, a Favorite Winter Breakfast.

(i) High-intensity sweeteners are commonly used as sugar alternatives, being many times sweeter than sugar with minimal calories. Despite being “generally recognized as safe” by regulatory agencies, some animal studies have shown that these sugar substitutes may have negative effects on the gut microbiota. Sucralose, aspartame, and saccharin have been shown to disrupt the balance and diversity of gut microbiota. 

(ii) Food additives, such as emulsifiers, which are commonly found in processed foods, have also been shown to affect the gut microbiota.

 (iii) Other areas of concern include the side effects of popular restrictive diets on gut health. These include some strict vegan diets, raw food or “clean eating” diets, gluten-free diets, and low FODMAP (fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharides, and polyols) diets used to treat irritable bowel syndrome. I have completed FODMAP training through Monash University in Australia. 

This is one of my favorite resources on gut microbiota and diet. It is evidence based – the link below highlights a few of the articles on gut microbiome as related to mental health”. https://www.gutmicrobiotaforhealth.com/en/?s=mental+health

Our Team Learning About Nutrition

Rory brings her insight and skill-base to our team, as we help our clients navigate mental health challenges, achieve performance goals, and build healthy relationships & lifestyle. We are a collaborative team and a wellness home and are excited to work with our clients on multiple facets of mental health and wellness. This, right here, is why I love the collaboration on our team.

Posted on

Letting Go

We are passing into October now, and rolling out our spotlight on “Letting Go”, a theme which was suggested by Christy our clinic manager. We were in a brainstorming session, laughing to tears when Christy blurted out “Letting GOOO!” On a side note, I believe in the value of laughter because it builds comradery, makes us love going to work, and because we are in a more cognitively flexible and creative space when we are able to laugh. So, it is by design that our brainstorming sessions tend to look more like an amateur hour open-mic. So, as I gasped for air, Christy repeated, “Letting Go” and then offered thoughtfully, “like the trees let go of their leaves to make space for something new.” *sigh* She went deep. 

Make room for change by letting go of things that no longer serve you.

Do we need to let go? Let go of what? Why can’t we let go? How do we let go? Can talking about it really help us let go? Is letting go of thoughts different from letting go of behavior? These are the angles that our team will explore, each from their own perspective and area of expertise. It is so amazing to see how approaches from our dietician, social workers, and psychologists weave together to form a complimentary and yet differentiated fabric. I’m excited to participate and learn this month. I am excited to explore how we can make room for change by letting of of the things that no longer serve us.

Over the last 10 or so years I have become increasingly enticed by the inner culture of the human mind, and eager to learn how contemplative neuroscience may inform the pursuit of wellness. I was excited to engage with clients in a way that seemed more intuitive to me; one that moved beyond examination of how a client thinks, to one that delves into what a client gives their attention to. Undoubtedly there is much to be gained by reframing catastrophic interpretations of events (i.e. I am such an unlovable idiot) to more balanced thought (i.e. I really messed up there, I don’t like it but I don’t have to be perfect), but this generally does not address one of the most negative mental health habits that we have. Self-obsessed thought addiction. 

Self-focus leaves us feeling isolated and yet strangely over-estimating the amount amount of interest we capture from others. It is like a return the ‘world is my stage’ period of earlier development, with all of it neurosis along for the ride

Most of us are just a little too invested in our own story-line, and convinced in the importance of our thoughts. This is problematic as most of the narrative generated by our survival-driven-problem-focused brains is incorrect. It’s wrong, its unneeded, but we buy it. Reframing thoughts about yourself is still thinking about yourself, but before you take it personally I should mention that it is the western-world-brain default mode. That is right, there is circuitry in our brain that is geared to direct attention and focus to ourselves, to keep us occupied with who we think we are, what we’ve done, what to do next, and how others see us. As this self-focused network drives attention inward, habituation helps you to stop noticing things in the world around you.  During habituation, the brain produces fewer neurotransmitters in response to a stimulus, so you don’t have to keep paying attention to it every time you see it. Really this part is for the sake of efficiency, so you can focus on tasks at hand instead of noticing the mundane, like the feeling of your clothes (which you may now be thinking about because I mentioned it). Makes sense until it becomes a general way of being. 

Without perspective, thoughts consume us, and cloud us from reality and each other.

There are costs associated with the habituation / self-focus habits such as decreased wellbeing, increased stress, and emotional volatility. I know as a mom I am far more reactive to the family when I am stuck in my own thoughts. I am also far more likely to feel amped up, have difficulty sleeping, and make absent minded moves (like the time I drove through the underground parking lot with the back hatch of the SUV open… *smash*). In cases of anxiety and depression the self-focus becomes quite skewed through lenses of fear and negativity, and thoughts become drawn further out into the future or focused on the past. We end up living in an alternate version of our lives, one that hasn’t happened (and likely won’t) or that didn’t happen the way it is being played out (human memory is incredibly flawed) Intuitively I also wonder about the cost of self-focus on our collective compassion for and connection to each other. How can we love each other, if we don’t notice each other? 

Letting go of the mental health habits can start with simple noticing. Noticing the narrative of your brain and how often it pulls you away from the experience you are having now. Be curious, you don’t have to judge it, and you don’t have to give weight to the thoughts. Just practice observation. Of course, there’s more to it than that, but this is a starting point. Start by letting go.

Change is slow, but really where else do you have to be?