mindset

Everyone needs to deal with the pandemic in their own way, so in no way do I want to push an agenda here. Instead, I’d like to consider the possible use of focusing on wellness, health, and opportunity to at least try to counter balance the negative.

Behind the clouds you’ll find the sun, and in the chaos you may find opportunity. Remember though, you won’t find what you are not looking for.

Let This Spark Change. It is hard when we think all day long about what we can’t do. When a mindset of restriction and limitation sets in our brains naturally seek out information that confirms this belief. It actually magnifies it too, because negative thoughts are magnetic and collect allies in rapid time. To get out of this spiral, you have to intentionally look for areas where either we are not limited or where we are benefiting. This is a far cry from being glad that this has happened, that is too far of a stretch for me, but I can acknowledge that not everything that I have changed as a result of isolation has been bad. Without my commute, it is easier to work out during the day (these are not good work outs by the way), and my friendships have become a priority and therefore are deepening. I’ve been pushed to learn about on-line group delivery, and now that I see how much easier it is for people to attend these I will prioritize this service delivery going forward. Is it possible that after isolation we will continue to intentionally seek out connection? I hope so.

Being so intentional about coming together has imparted on me how much I love and need my friends.

Form Healthier Habits. I don’t think that now is the time to overhaul your life, although by all means do it if it is right for you. But this could be a time to break the all-or-nothing rigidity that stops so many of us from taking self-care seriously. The reason I think this may be the right time to learn about the importance of small steps is that many of us feel like small steps are all we have got right now. Being satisfied with a less-than exercise session, eating a slightly healthier dinner, or keeping the sweets to a smaller portion while refusing to beat yourself up would be examples of small-step change that interrupt black-and-white thinking. This is important because our own rigidity and judgement are the ultimate destroyers of personal change.

FINALLY Learn to Let Go. I had an amazing conversation with someone last week. He shared that his entire life he has resisted accepting what is and that finally, he has accepted he is not in control. Pain often comes from the reality of our world, but suffering comes from our mental and emotional resistance to it. If you can be patient with yourself, and slowly notice where your attention has shifted from acceptance of what is to resistance, then you can gently invite yourself to acceptance. This will pass and it will unfold as it will. If you focus on positive action towards things you can control, you will weather the storm in a better state.

The Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. with Richard Mendius, MD is a great book filled with neuroscience explanation and practical tips to help separate pain from suffering.

When it all rises too high, I am reminded that there is nothing we can do but surrender to the reality that we are ultimately not in control. After the panic, there is peace.

Shift into Self-Compassion. You’re tired, cranky, short with your family, not as productive as you should be…the list of shortcomings is endless these days. Rather than constant striving to be 100%, maybe you could just give yourself a break. Be kind, recognize that your 100% today is at a different level, and where did we even get the idea that being 100% all the time is the goal? What about saying, “that’s ok, it’s a big day” or “hey, maybe you need a rest and reset here?” Instead of giving space to the nagging inner-critic, what if you actually wished yourself wellness, peace, and health?

My absolute favorite speaker on the subject of self-compassion is Sharon Salzberg. While all her work is worthy of attention her book, Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection is profound yet practical.

A couple of more resources:

Chelsea Gohd wrote a fun and on-point article sharing tips from astronauts for coping with isolation:

https://www.space.com/astronaut-tips-for-handling-isolation-coronavirus.html

Join our community as we discuss positive changes we can focus on during isolation! We’re hosting a free ZOOM session Thursday April 16, 2020 at 4:30pm.

Email booking@thepracticecalgary.com for the link to join.

In health,

Carmen

To start December and build off our November reflections along with some Navy Seal mental toughness insights, I thought I share this recommended book for anyone who has an ego. We all have basic human needs, and we have different degrees of those needs. The needs can be broken down into a high need to achieve, freedom, love & belonging, fun, and survival.

Many of us in work, sports, school, and in our social lives have a high need to achieve. We feel good when we get what we want. And we hate losing. Thus, as we get in the season of sports, school, and preparing for Xmas holidays…… I have been thinking about how we can find ourselves competing. And as we all know…… with politics, the economy, current trends in the work place, etc. that we can sometimes feel we are spinning our wheels in a toxic environment and/or thriving in a cooperative and productive environment.

However, we all have a certain amount of choice in how we perceive things. I have worked with many competitive athletes, coaches, leaders, and support staff over the years and here are a few notes I really appreciate from the book “Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing” written by Pro Bronson and Ashley Merryman.

I feel this info can also apply for our work with The Practice Clients who are working hard to achieve their goals in life, work, and family. It’s hard to be good at everything, and it feels great when we are achieving the goals we set. So, Let’s COMPETE!!!!!

How did that word feel for you???

Bronson and Merryman begin their case by explaining the difference between adaptive and maladaptive competitiveness. They explain,

“Adaptive competitiveness is characterized by perseverance and determination to rise to the challenge, but it’s bounded by an abiding respect for the rules.” What’s so wonderful about people who excel in adaptive competitiveness is that they “don’t have to be the best at everything – they only strive to be the best in the domain they train for.” As a result, these types of people have what Bronson and Merryman consider healthy competitiveness, marked by “constant striving for excellence but not desperate concerns for rank.”

Maladaptive competitiveness, on the other hand, is “characterized by psychological insecurity and displaced urges. It’s the person who can’t accept that losing is part of competing; it’s the person that competes when others around him are not competing.” It’s the person that wins at all costs, regardless of whether he or she is breaking the rules. These people don’t understand that cooperation is key to competition, and as a result, competition has gotten a bad rap.

The Journey teaches us different ways to compete, how winning and losing is not a bad thing. We care about winning and losing because we dare to care. The truth is we love to compete. It’s Fun. It gets us through things. And we get to learn to turn off our compete and reenergize for the next opportunity.

Many great coaches like preach that We Race Like We Train. We play like we practice. Our Mindset, habits, and work ethic will determine our direction. And the … “the inescapable conclusion is that years and years of practice are not, automatically, enough. In addition to the deliberate practice, success also depends on how well people compete. It hangs on how well they handle the psychoendocrine stress response, manage it, and even harness it…….everyone has that stress response, but we can interpret it differently, which drastically affects our performance..” – 9

Psychologists have studied and written about how we must strive and gain awareness regarding:

Learning How You Compete in each situation and realizing this is An Opportunity to further:

Understand Your SKILL to meet the challenge

Understand Your DISPOSITION

Learn How you MANAGE THE ENVIRONMENT

Improve your SELF-REGULATION skills

Here are some questions we ask our clients or they learn through our work.

THE SKILL TO MEET THE CHALLENGE

Do you believe you have the skills, preparation, and commitment to execute at the level of challenge facing you?

What is your current physiological level and how did that impact your performance? Age, history, experience…..

Do you have winning experience?

“The mindset and self-belief you bring to the challenge will determine if you feel up to the challenge or feel threatened and distracted”.

Are you focused on the task?

Do you approach your Passion like a Professional with Deliberate Training?

These steps are often part of your preparation phase.

You Are Prepared and Ready with a clear goal directed focus

Execution: Performance Phase – you execute and perform with emotional engagement and task focus that aligns your physiological and technical execution.

In order to do this, we will also need to reflect on:

Are You executing at or above where you have been training?

1. UNDERSTAND YOUR DISPOSITION?

For example,

Is it good for your performance to swing for the fences?

Do you want to win everything or just compete when you know you can win?

Do you believe in your ability to WIN?

Do you have a winning identity/attitude to compete whether you win or not?

Are you really willing to take it to the next level and find a way to win?

Do you have the kind of GRIT to passionately persevere in pursuit of your long term goals, with a willingness to overcome any obstacles that lie in your path, because you value the path of being GRITTY.

You are hungry and yet stay humble to work and sacrifice like everyone else in life.

You Understand your pattern of self-perception and how you perceive the task in order to compete the best with what you have on that day.

Mindset a critical and overlooked aspect of performance.

The mindset and self-belief you bring to the challenge will determine if you feel up to the challenge or feel threatened and distracted.

Athletes for example, underperform more often due to being internally distracted (because they don’t feel good enough) vs. externally distracted.

We learn how to free ourselves up to perform vs. get in our own way, make excuses, or focus on task-irrelevant information

2. MANAGE THE ENVIRONMENT

Do you practice routines that you’re comfortable with and give you confidence or do you let the uncontrollables affect your emotional readiness and focus?

Disposition (you/us) vs. the Environmental Demands

3. PERFORMANCE DEMANDS

You Learn to face the vast array of environmental challenges and stressors…… and you are typically pressured to meet the performance demands and standards set by yourself and others.

Learning to COMPETE requires navigating through the Specific SKILLS required, Your DISPOSITIONAL characteristics, the Environment, and the PERFORMANCE DEMANDS facing you.

ACTUAL PERFORMANCE IS HOW YOU COMPETE WITH GRIT AND TASK IQ. And then learning how to do it at a consistently high level requires self-regulation strategies you have learned WORK FOR YOU.

“We play like we practice. Our Mindset, habits, and work ethic will determine our direction“.

SELF-REGULATION SKILLS

The Big 4: Self-talk, emotional management, goal setting, and imagery

Did you have clear goals today?

Do you have success memories for this challenge?

How did you manage the situational demands to compete today?

Did you focus on the task or did you give yourself an out?

Do you give yourself permission to recover?

Your Are Either Winning Or You’re L……….

THE POWER OF DEBRIEFING TO FORMULATE EMOTIONAL MEMORIES FOR FUTURE FOCUS

The Amygdala deals with the passionate perceptual emotions when you compete. It puts the punch into memory formation

These perceptions filter into your memory (Hippocampus)

Your Memories (through a proper debrief) set up your subconscious, future emotional experience, and task focus.

Do you use a trusted team to provide you with feedback? Do you have people who will level with you vs. just tell you what you want to hear?

Here at The Practice Calgary, we pride ourselves in helping our clients along the journey. Supporting them as the learn, work, and remember what strategies are helping them achieve their needs. Our promise to you is our striving to bring real, authentic, and practical strategies in working together.

Notes and thoughts by Derek Robinson (December, 2019)

Tag: mindset

An Opportunity for Growth

The Competitive Ego