Category: Wellness

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CAREER TRANSITION AND UNCERTAIN TIMES

Sport stoppages of professional leagues and for our Canadian National athletes who travel the World competing in World Cups, World Championships, and the Olympics are fighting with us against the COIVID-19 Pandemic. 

We are all being challenged to act for our society before ourselves as we self-isolate. This blog is focused on the experience of athletes who face “performance or career transition”. The reality for many people in sport, will be that COVID-19 and the disruption in normal life will end their career competing at the professional or elite levels. 

Retirement from sport can be a positive for some athletes who feel deep satisfaction and gratitude for achieving their dream goals. These individuals are mentally, emotionally, and financially ready to retire and gracefully transition into their plan B with the next phase of their career. For example, the NHL hockey player who retires and embraces the earned opportunity to give all his time and energy to family that made sacrifices sharing their husband and father with the sport/team as they passionately pursued their craft to be their best. After a few years of giving back to the family, he then walks into a management, scouting, or coaching position that was lined up when he is ready to return to sport. 

Now think of many athletes who unfortunately perform there way out of sport and competition has caught up and surpassed them. Or the athletes who have been “hanging on” and past their prime. Finally, think of the athletes who has struggled with the terrifying decision to retire because he or she feels they have nothing to fall back on or question their ability to do anything other than be an athlete. 

Facilitating performance TRANSITION is a serious issue and these athletes may experience:

  • Multiple stressors and difficulties associated with their involuntary career completion (possibly coming for some due to COVID-19), where there is little realistic potential for reinstituting or preserving their career. 
  • Athletes face psychological reactions of normative or exceptional grieving like those who experience the death of a loved one. Phases of acute stress, anger, depression, anxiety and possibly PTSD may exist with family and interpersonal issues intensifying the struggle for the athlete to adapt to a life lacking the structure of sport, daily training/competing, and being a part of a Team.
  • Many athletes have fiercely competitive egos and when they retire, they become a “normal” person instead of the “famous athlete, role model, or being that talent that is admired by fans and flashed all over our TVs, the Internet, and media outlets.”

I played hockey my entire life through the Junior levels, a varsity career with the University of Lethbridge Pronghorns, and then minor pro down in Texas in the Western Professional Hockey League (WPHL). 

I will share my brief story of “career transition”. 

My University coach told me I could go play pro in Europe or in the States, however I was planning to just settle down and move back to B.C. where my family lives and find a job in Human Resources. Shortly after graduating with a B.A. in Psychology (with Distinction 😉), my plan changed as my long-term girlfriend and I broke up. When I returned home, I was influenced by all my buddies as they questioned me, “why would you not go play professional and get paid to play the game you love? What’s wrong with you?!” 

So, I tested the waters and ended up accepting a contract in Fort Worth, Texas. Hockey, golf, and the single life…… why not. 

Well, that’s what I thought anyways. However, I knew in my gut, that it was the wrong decision. To be honest with you, I knew then that I was forcing myself to continue in hockey when my heart was not committed to be my best or further my hockey career. I didn’t really believe I would make the NHL and I was going down there avoiding the real world. 

Yes, I started well scoring goals in pre-season and easily impressing the coach, but then the anxiety of being in the wrong place and faking my passion for the game started catching up to me. 

Playing in front of fans (and cheerleaders – yes there were cheerleaders in Texas at a Hockey game), and riding the bus from New Mexico on through Oklahoma, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Alabama, Louisiana, and along the Gulf of Mexico was a great experience. Some of the parties with the guys were a lot of fun, going out to clubs, free golf, hanging out with small time celebrities, etc. The many stories like the security sneaking us into watch the Dixie Chicks performing in our barn, getting free meals at Hooters, etc. etc. was all great. But I was living inauthentically. I had a university degree, was 25 or 26 years old, and feeling like I was drinking beer, chewing Copenhagen, and chasing girls like I did when I was 16-19 years old in Junior hockey.

Finally, that morning came. After not sleeping the night before (even with a few beers), I laid in bed as my roommate Benny knocked on my door chirping me and saying, “let’s go, we’ll be late for practice.” 

“I’m not going, go without me.” I said. 

Benny and I both knew what that meant. Unless, you’re a franchise player or your coach is a pushover, you don’t just not show up to practice. You think you’re bigger than the Team and you just do what you want……. Means contract ripped up and you are replaced by another guy waiting to get paid to play the game. 

By the time my hangover eased, and I knew the boys were off the ice, I headed to the rink and walked into the coach’s office. I looked him in the eye and simply said, “Coach, I’m not respecting you or the Team by being here.” I believe he appreciated me for telling him straight as the Team finished paying out my contract for a few months and paid for my flight home. That was the end of my career. 

What transpired over the next 6 months was suffering my own “career transition issues”.

20 years ago, as a 26-year-old guy who played hockey, seeing a psychologist wasn’t a thought that even crossed my mind. But this is what I remember experiencing:

  • I went back to Lethbridge waiting for my fiancé to finish her degree. I had money saved from hockey and I spent a few months working as a social worker, drinking beer with my university buddies, and avoiding the rink at all costs. It hurt to watch hockey on tv, let alone go watch it live. 
  • I dreamt about Texas and playing hockey every single night for 6 months. Every morning waking up and feeling just a little bitter. 

I went to Texas for the wrong reasons and I finished my hockey career in way that robbed me of any self-respect or pride. So I let it go…….. but when would I feel like myself again and pursue something with purpose and meaning?

It’s called emergent decision making. In my 2nd year of my B.A., I saw a career counsellor for 50 minutes as I didn’t know what Major I should declare. I walked out of her office pissed off, thinking that was a total waste of time. However, as it turned out, everything we talked about ended up happening for the rest of my career. We talked about being a Sport Psychologist since I loved psychology and I loved sport. At the time though, my Identity was so wrapped up as a “hockey player” that I couldn’t even imagine myself being a psychologist. I mean, I swore in the dressing room and drank beers in the pub with the guys! How could I walk the straight and narrow and be a Psychologist?!?!?

In summary, after a period of grief and suffering, I began achieving my dream as I channeled all my focus, energy, passion, and commitment to finish grad school the best and fastest possible. My research was focused on Junior Hockey in Alberta titled, “Partnerships in Performance: Effective Referral and Collaboration Between Hockey Coaches and Psychologists.” The opportunity to do applied work through the last 4 winter Olympics representing Canada working with coaches, athletes, and support staff was a ridiculous amount of work and sacrifice…..but I lived my dream. 

If anyone is going through career transition with feelings of loss, grief, depression, and uncertainty, we are here at The Practice Calgary and ready to support you. 

Sincerely,

Derek

Derek Robinson has been a Registered Psychologist since 2005 and has worked in the field of human performance and had the privilege to work alongside some of the best leaders, coaches, teams, athletes, medical and support staff in the world. Derek has attended the last 4 Olympic Winter Games as part of the Canadian Olympic Team and worked with a variety of sports.

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An Opportunity for Growth

Everyone needs to deal with the pandemic in their own way, so in no way do I want to push an agenda here. Instead, I’d like to consider the possible use of focusing on wellness, health, and opportunity to at least try to counter balance the negative. 

Behind the clouds you’ll find the sun, and in the chaos you may find opportunity. Remember though, you won’t find what you are not looking for.

Let This Spark Change. It is hard when we think all day long about what we can’t do. When a mindset of restriction and limitation sets in our brains naturally seek out information that confirms this belief. It actually magnifies it too, because negative thoughts are magnetic and collect allies in rapid time. To get out of this spiral, you have to intentionally look for areas where either we are not limited or where we are benefiting. This is a far cry from being glad that this has happened, that is too far of a stretch for me, but I can acknowledge that not everything that I have changed as a result of isolation has been bad. Without my commute, it is easier to work out during the day (these are not good work outs by the way), and my friendships have become a priority and therefore are deepening. I’ve been pushed to learn about on-line group delivery, and now that I see how much easier it is for people to attend these I will prioritize this service delivery going forward. Is it possible that after isolation we will continue to intentionally seek out connection? I hope so. 

Being so intentional about coming together has imparted on me how much I love and need my friends.

Form Healthier Habits. I don’t think that now is the time to overhaul your life, although by all means do it if it is right for you. But this could be a time to break the all-or-nothing rigidity that stops so many of us from taking self-care seriously. The reason I think this may be the right time to learn about the importance of small steps is that many of us feel like small steps are all we have got right now. Being satisfied with a less-than exercise session, eating a slightly healthier dinner, or keeping the sweets to a smaller portion while refusing to beat yourself up would be examples of small-step change that interrupt black-and-white thinking. This is important because our own rigidity and judgement are the ultimate destroyers of personal change. 

FINALLY Learn to Let Go.  I had an amazing conversation with someone last week. He shared that his entire life he has resisted accepting what is and that finally, he has accepted he is not in control. Pain often comes from the reality of our world, but suffering comes from our mental and emotional resistance to it. If you can be patient with yourself, and slowly notice where your attention has shifted from acceptance of what is to resistance, then you can gently invite yourself to acceptance. This will pass and it will unfold as it will. If you focus on positive action towards things you can control, you will weather the storm in a better state. 

The Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. with Richard Mendius, MD is a great book filled with neuroscience explanation and practical tips to help separate pain from suffering.

When it all rises too high, I am reminded that there is nothing we can do but surrender to the reality that we are ultimately not in control. After the panic, there is peace.

Shift into Self-Compassion. You’re tired, cranky, short with your family, not as productive as you should be…the list of shortcomings is endless these days. Rather than constant striving to be 100%, maybe you could just give yourself a break. Be kind, recognize that your 100% today is at a different level, and where did we even get the idea that being 100% all the time is the goal? What about saying, “that’s ok, it’s a big day” or “hey, maybe you need a rest and reset here?” Instead of giving space to the nagging inner-critic, what if you actually wished yourself wellness, peace, and health? 

My absolute favorite speaker on the subject of self-compassion is Sharon Salzberg. While all her work is worthy of attention her book, Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection is profound yet practical.

A couple of more resources:

Chelsea Gohd wrote a fun and on-point article sharing tips from astronauts for coping with isolation:

https://www.space.com/astronaut-tips-for-handling-isolation-coronavirus.html

Join our community as we discuss positive changes we can focus on during isolation! We’re hosting a free ZOOM session Thursday April 16, 2020 at 4:30pm.

 Email booking@thepracticecalgary.com for the link to join. 

In health, 

Carmen

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Cancel the “COVID 15”

“Freshman 15” has been an expression used for many generations.  Many people are aware of the term but to explain, the “freshman 15” phrase was coined to highlight the weight gain many young adults experience in their first year of university or college.  Why are new university/college students susceptible to the freshman 15… Well, there are many factors.  The start of university or college for most young adults involves moving out of the house.  Young adults now have to fend for themselves buying groceries, making food, or just making balanced choices.  Often the foods eaten are high calorie high carbohydrate foods.  Add to this that many students stay late into the night which can create boredom.  Students also tend to “party” more which may include alcohol or cannabis. Late night foods are then sought after including pizza and chips.  Students also take time to adjust to their new very busy schedules so extracurricular activities such as sports teams or working out often fall to the wayside.  Easy to see how weight gain happens.  

Time can create space for us to take care of ourselves in a new way, but it can also lead to boredom and falling away of health and self-care.

Now let’s switch to the present. Why is this expression relevant today when students are now at home doing online learning? The expression “freshman 15” has now morphed into the term “Covid 15”.   I read a great post about people having TIME during this isolation period.  I found the word a very powerful one.  Life is normally filled with work, school, sports, appointments, social activities etc. This is the first time in my lifetime where we have TIME.  While there are many positives to having more TIME … time to clean, time to learn to bake, time to help others … TIME also lends itself to issues like boredom, mindless eating, drinking more, etc.  

The majority of us are now at home full-time.  We are being encouraged to stay at home and often to stay indoors.  For many of us this leads to consuming more calories and likely exercising less.  Normally during a work day, we do not have close proximity to a fridge and we are busy with our work, with coworkers, with going to the gym, or just not having 24/7 access to food.  Now we are at home where the fridge and pantry are easily accessible.  We have many more hours to fill with work, educating and entertaining our children, and passing the TIME.  Here’s where the new expression “Covid 15” comes into play.  Posts are plentiful on social media like Cookie Monster chowing down on cookies and people talking about their struggles to not eat during isolation. Stress is also a factor of course because we know that people tend to reach for refined carbohydrates during increased stress, both for pleasure and for the instant kick that comes with sugar. Let’s be honest … it’s hard not to overeat while isolating.  

Social Media is proliferated with picture of satisfying carbs, which have taken the place of more balanced choices for many of us.

It’s not hopeless. “ Covid 15” can be avoided.  Here are some tips:

  1. Ask yourself or your child(ren) why they are in the fridge/cupboard.  Are you/they HUNGRY or do you/they just WANT food?  Often it is about WANT which often stems from issues like boredom, stress, or unhappiness.   The key is to find alternate activities to eating.  Some suggestions include:
    1. Drinking a full glass of water.
    2. Going for a walk (even a short one).
    3. Changing the location you are in (if possible).
    4. Distracting yourself with another activity.  
    5. Create a schedule during the day that includes snacks and meals with the goal of sticking to the schedule.
    6. Having healthy snacks on the kitchen table: Vegetables (celery is a great one as it takes a long time to chew), fruit, popcorn, flavored water (it’s fun to come up with different flavors like raspberry or cucumber water).  
    7. Be active and come up with new activities that you and/or your family could try: Skip rope (much harder than you think), throw a ball outside, create fun indoor games (my kids used ping pong balls and chipped them into plastic cups).
    8. Be MINDFUL.  Often our eating/drinking habits are done mindlessly.  The more mindful we are about what we are eating/drinking, how much and how often… the more successful we are at staying healthy. 
    9. Watch portions.  Smaller plates are a great way of reducing portions without seeing a difference. 
    10. Set goals.  Challenge yourself/your family to stay healthy in all areas during this pandemic. 

Get outside as much as you can. Being out of our house, while distancing, helps break up visual boredom, gets us away from our fridge, and boosts energy. This may be even more important should our ability to leave be further restricted in the days to come.

We are all in this but “Covid 15” doesn’t have to become a reality.  This could be an OPPORTUNITY to become even healthier.  

Dr. Liann Meloff is a registered psychologist with over 18 years of experience and holds a Ph.D. in Applied Psychology. 

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Keeping the Remote Workplace Respectful

Many of us are now working from home, remotely using video conferencing, email, texts, and other media. Bullying can occur in this environment and can spill over from any conflict or bullying that was happening in person at the office. 

Workplace bullying means excluding someone from information, meetings, connections; demeaning  someone through jokes, ridicule and cartoons; spreading gossip, not helping when needed, damaging a person’s work or work reputation, setting people up to fail, setting unrealistic expectations, favoring one person over another. 

Workplace harassment and bullying can continue in the remote environment.

  • People can be left out of meetings if they are using different platforms. Get everyone on the same platform and ‘nudge’ people back if they start using different platforms, e.g. email when another form has been agreed to.
  • Sharing of jokes, innuendos and memes can create online cruelty. The same rules apply as if you were in the office.
  • Keep communication professional rather than casual. Edit, spell check and speak respectfully.
  • Make sure that all workers are included in meetings and discussions where appropriate. Going ‘ghost’ on someone, disappearing, and not including someone in even casual contacts will feel isolating and can be harmful.

Take extra steps to make sure that all team members are included when scheduling virtual meetings.

  • Be mindful of what you say. Teleconferencing is best as you can see the impact of what you say on others. If you offend someone apologize.
  • Help out. For many, working remotely is new and stressful as they go through the learning curve. Don’t mock or let your frustration get in the way. Helping out can make you feel good.
  • Answer your emails and questions as promptly as possible. If you can’t respond quickly send a quick reply “Got your request – let me get back to you on that within the next day.”
  • Consult each other about changes in projects and work – be inclusive. Do not just leave someone out.
  • If you hear gossip or people campaigning against another person step up and be a good bystander and identify that this is disrespectful and harmful.
  • If you feel disrespected tell the person in a private communication. Or tell your manager and ask for help.
  • If you feel that you are in a difficult situation and your actions have not worked, have a conversation with your Human Resources Professional, Occupational Health and Safety Professional or Third Party Advocate. 
  • Access your Employee Assistance Program to discuss strategies and receive support or use your benefits to contact a qualified counsellor.

We have a workplace respect expert that can help you. Dr. Pat Ferris is a registered Clinical Social Worker who has has a Ph.D. in Industrial Organizational Psychology where she studied quality of life issues related to work such as stress, bullying and work life balance. She has specialized training in treating trauma and is considered an international expert in the treatment of targets and perpetrators of workplace bullying.

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Tips For Keeping Mental Health While Working Remotely

As we move into the third week of physical distancing, many people are finding the transition a challenge to mange. Kids, house work, and work-tasks all need our attention, at a time when our capacity is depleted. Today our wonderful team member, Dr. Pat Ferris, shares some practical strategies to help those of us who are now working from home.

  • Keep a schedule. If you can keep your regular schedule, this will keep some familiar routine. If you can’t keep your old schedule, find a schedule that works for you. This might even feel good!
  • Get washed and dressed and get out of your PJs – and get out of bed too!
  • ‘Commute’ to work. Some people have described walking around the block before coming into the house to go to work.
  • Work in area separated for the purpose of work. If you live in a small space or don’t have a room for an office, can you screen off or organize furniture so that you have a space designed for work?
  • Use headphones to cancel out noise if you are in a busy home. And be careful of confidentiality. Make sure that others in your home can’t hear you talking. 
  • Take regular breaks. Get a tea/coffee, go out for a walk/run during lunch if this is your routine. 
  • Take breaks with co-workers. Can you have a virtual coffee or lunch date with co-workers?

Video platforms are a useful way to connect to others while we practice physical distancing.

  • Use video as much as you can. It makes communication better when you can see someone’s body language and facial expressions.
  • Keep in touch with your supervisor/manager -ask for / give positive feedback and support.
  • Have some fun but be respectful of others while emailing, texting, messaging and virtual meetings. Think twice before sending memes and jokes.
  • On the other hand, keep pictures of soothing scenes or funny images that make you laugh around you. 
  • Leave work behind a closed door/space at the end of your workday. Take that walk around the block, do a mental visualization of leaving work and being home.
  • Be compassionate with yourself. Working from home can be a change that requires adjustment and this requires additional energy. You may find yourself more tired. Take a 15-minute nap if you can, talk to someone, chill. 
  • If you feel anxious, take a moment and breathe, stretch, meditate, and practice gratitude for all the positives we have. This too will pass … and maybe out of all this, we can develop a renewed appreciation for life, health, connections and peaceful moments. 
  • If you are struggling with anxiety, worry, depression and coping you are not alone. We can help. The value of sharing your thoughts and struggles with a listening and supportive person can make a big difference for you.

Be compassionate with yourself. You may find yourself more tired. Take a 15-minute nap if you can, talk to someone, chill. 

What are some ideas you have implemented? Please share with us here, Instagram, or FaceBook!

Dr. Pat Ferris is a registered Clinical Social Worker who has worked in a wide range of clinical settings such as hospitals, community mental health, Employee Assistance Programs and private practice for over 35 years. She also has a Ph.D. in Industrial Organizational Psychology where she studied quality of life issues related to work such as stress, bullying and work life balance.

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Decline Parent Guilt as We Become ‘Teachers’

In the first week since classes were suspended I have noticed that in addition to anxiety about financial difficulties and fears of a loved one becoming ill, many parents are struggling to keep guilt at bay while transitioning to home-schooling. Yesterday one mom noted that guilt is running on high in her Face Book Mom’s group that is now proliferated with down to the minute color coded schedules, learning times, snack time, and ‘guided free play’. There is a pressure to be at-home (yes, listen to that one), and to be mom, teacher, after-school care provider, leaving no room for the parent to be human, emotional, or exhausted.

As someone who has worked in the field of mental health and child development for twenty years, please let me tell you that it is good and OK to take it slow. Relax. Think of it this way, when a new teacher joins a class or a new school year begins, no one is running on full educational mode the very first day.

The younger the child, often the longer the period of adjustment, and this would be particularly true if there were any high stress or traumatic event that preceded the new teacher or school. As I encouraged earlier this week, we will adjust to this new normal, but we need to give ourselves time to adjust. Remember that young kids are always learning in some form when they read during game time, count the number on a dice, or cook a meal. 

Art is an incredibly useful way for us to learn and process feelings.

Learning is predicated on relationship, which includes relationship to the teacher, to the school environment, and to self as a learner. You do not have to have it all figured out on the first day of this long-term change. In fact, take it easy and have a looser schedule that you can build on after you see how both you and your child(ren) are doing. If you are anxious and overloaded, you cannot expect yourself to keep calm when you are dealing with challenging behaviors or a frustrated learner. You are not a superhero and should not expect yourself to be ‘on’ all day long. Breaks for everyone in the house is recommended, and in the long run will be essential. I am inviting parents to be as thoughtful about the impact of home-schooling on their relationship with their child as they are on the educational goals. 

Here are a few thoughts for week one:

1. Dealing with boredom is a life-skill, and one that teaches kids early skills for emotional regulation. Sitting, without a screen to entertain them, requires a child to feel a difficult feeling, recognize it without overreacting to it, and make a choice about what they would like to do about it. Do not fill every minute of the day. 

Many parents feel pressured to have every minute planned and the day chalked full of learning or physical activities. Resist this, especially in the early days and weeks of home schooling.

2. Free play is not the same as parent-guided play.  Most parents have a very hard time playing with their child without introjecting and filling the gaps. This is great because it allows the child to practice social skills like being flexible and adopting the ideas of others; however, playing on their own is different altogether. Solo play allows kids to process their own ideas, create freely, and be responsible for their own entertainment. 

3. Promote rupture and repair of attachment. This means that during an activity, you transition the child in and then excuse yourself for a brief moment, with a promise to return. Then return at the scheduled promise. If your child is too young to tell time then you can say, “I will be right back I am just going to load the dishwasher…”, then make sure you come back. If your child is glued to you, then this will require a lot of encouragement and practice, and you may have to leave the play and stay in the room initially. Down the road this will enable you to complete a small task like a putting in a load of laundry, rather than being 100% on deck for your child and cramming those tasks in to their nap time.

4. Quiet time is recommended. This is solo time in their room if possible. They can nap, read, play quietly, and you should rest too. Please do not fill this with work tasks or social media. Your mental health is important. 

5. Screen time does not make you a bad parent. Yes, some parents keep the screens running in their house, use screens to entertain whenever their child really just needs attention, and don’t monitor what their child is watching. For those parents, screen time is negative and harmful. However, thoughtful screen time in the midst of active parenting is not worthy of the guilt it causes. If you are the only parent at home, and you have been actively working with your child, and you need to prepare dinner but every time you try it ends up with you losing your temper and the child in an outburst, then I would suggest that this is a useful time to use screens. Be thoughtful and intentional, and stop vilifying yourself. The other reality is that many learning activities now utilize a screen

GET OUTSIDE (Photo taken at RockyMountain Flatbread, many weeks ago)

6. Get outside daily, and be considerate of yourself. You may be experiencing a dip in mood and energy, and although you believe a ‘good’ parent would run laps around the yard chasing a ball, you really should be realistic about your energy level and emotional state, and perhaps take a walk instead? Use outdoor activity as an aide to you so that you can get a mental break in your day. Most kids are like wind-up toys, and so small outings rather than large ones are often more helpful. 

7. Use technology to connect your kids to their peers and family. Short video calls to chat, show each other the latest creative masterpiece, and be silly can be very helpful. The younger the kid, the shorter the time will likely be, but it can still help them to see someone other than their family. 

We’re here to support you, and each other, by phone or FaceTime during this challenging time. *photo taken many weeks ago*

Remember that many providers, including our team, are offering FaceTime and telephone support to families at this time. Please reach out if you are struggling.

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Helping Teens in Uncertain Times

I was on the phone with my dad yesterday. I thought I was checking in on him, but I am pretty sure it was the other way around. He shared his perspective as someone who grew up before vaccines and said to me, “we all bring something different to the table.” This rung particularly true for me as I have spent the last two days providing quite a bit of FaceTime and phone support to teens, and in-person to my own teenagers. While debriefing my clinical day yesterday, I was quite struck by how teenagers do have a unique experience of the pandemic, and how similar the message was from teen to teen. 

It is important to remember how vital their social life is to many of our tweens and teens. Teenagers are individuating, which means they are at critical stages of identity development, and figuring out who they are involves finding both differences from their parents and similarities to their peers.

In exasperation, my teen said,“Yes Mom! I have your love and nurturing, but I am still alone because as soon as that need is met I need social interaction!”Whelp, he’s right. He also reminded me that we are not talking about a week, this could go on for months. I am reminded that we need to ask the questions “What’s the pandemic like for you?” I did, and here are some of the similarities that teens shared with me.

1.  Boredom is actually a problem. I have asked every teen, “What is the most difficult part of changes to your life made by the COVID-19 for you right now?” 100% of the teens said “boredom”. Boredom can be challenging for adults, but in all honesty, I think sometimes we crave it as a respite from the day to day, or as a way of not doing a host of tedious tasks. Teens were different, they shared that they have too much time to think, are too alone with their thoughts, and are already finding that even their usual social media outlets have lost satisfaction. One teen remarked that boredom was a feeling of nothing, that made everything seem like something they didn’t want to do. It reminded me of going to get dressed in the morning and having nothing to wear, in spite of a full closet. 

They are right. Boredom is both a feeling and a mindset. It is a lack of excitement and stimulation that leads to a sense of nothing to do. This nothing-feeling causes you to be less interested in the things that you typically want to do.  

We can’t dismiss this by telling them to do school work, a chore, or go outside. Those are activities, not stimulation.  “Mom, don’t say goals, teens hate goals, but we need to feel like were achieving something.” That was the sage advice from my 16-year-old daughter. The teens and I worked to find something they want to accomplish that helps give them a sense of short-term purpose. These are the things that they always say they want to do or learn, but never get around to it because of, well, life.  Every single teen knew right away what their secret interests were and could generate ideas about what they could do. From learning tricks on a skateboard, drawing a series of pictures, learning how to edit photos, sewing, etc., they were happy to talk about it although some needed encouragement not to feel ‘silly’.  They set targets for the first two weeks of distancing, and each want to report back to me their progress. These goals help the teens; 1. Feel interest in a part of their day, 2. See progression from day to day, 3. Have a sense that they will emerge from this all with something cool to show others, 4. Have some control so that their life does not surmount to chores, social media, and school.

2. Misinformation. Teens are cognitively aware and connected to social media, so they are hearing a lot about COVID-19. Still, they may not be emotionally developed enough to process this uncertain time. It is important not to downplay the seriousness of the situation, because if it were not serious then how can they make sense of the fact that their parents are working from home, school is suspended, and people are stock piling supplies? Without the information, they are confused and build distrust of either their parents or the government, or both. You have to know your teen, but here are some basics to debrief with them; Why is COVID-19 different? What does flatten the curve mean? What happens if the city goes into quarantine? Will my parents lose their job?

Teens need to understand that flattening the curve means only to slow and prolong the spread of the virus so that the rate of illness does not overwhelm our medical system. This means the percentage of the population who may need medical help to survive the illness, will have access to doctors and hospitals when the time comes. Learn about COVID-19 with them, on reputable sites like World Health Organization, so that they have metered and correct information. 

 In terms of questions like your job or city-wide quarantine, it is OK to say, “I don’t know right now, but here is our plan…”  or “I don’t know at the moment, but if it looks like that is going to happen, we will talk about it, until then let’s put that in a wait and see category.” It is important to acknowledge these are possibilities, rather than to say, “that won’t happen,” which leaves teens with a sense of uncertainty. 

3. Media. You will see a consistent message from mental health providers right now; LIMIT NEWS AND OTHER COVID-19 MEDIA. The rate of information coming to us is unhealthy. We have less time spent commuting and living our typical lives and are spending it on the internet. The variety of things that we are thinking about in a given day has diminished too, so proportionately COVID-19 is inundating us. Your teens are no different. In our house, we are sitting down once a day, at the provincial press briefings, and watching it together. We talk about it for about an hour after, and then try to do our best to leave it. This is a marathon, not a sprint, lead by example.

This is a marathon, not a sprint, lead by example.

4. Panic buying. This behavior is hard to understand and impacts the way our teens see the world and others. Talk to them about fear, ask them what their perspective is on it, ask them how it impacts what they think of society. This one may have a sleeper-effect in terms of shaping world views.

5. Education matters. Yes, teens are known for complaining about school and not wanting to go to school other than to see their friends. Yet across the board the teens expressed worry. They are worried they will fail, or won’t fail and then next year will be behind. They are worried about their parents trying to be their teachers, and they are stressed about graduating. We will have more information on helping your kids learn from home in the days to come. 

Teens need help adjusting to on-line school

6. Don’t try to normalize this, but do create a new normal. Get into habits and routines. In our house, we require that Monday through Friday we all get up in a morning hour, shower and change, and do something productive in the morning. We are all required to leave the house daily, to go for a walk at the very least. Every day we take turns participating in the cooking and kitchen maintenance (I sense a competition coming on). My daughter asked me if we could go for a drive, which I never would have thought of, but yes, that is a great idea. She wants to see something other than our community and the inside of our house. We will go today. We’ve also agreed that we will try to do something entertaining in the evening, playing games or watching a show. It is a loose routine. We are taking turns doing dishes and cooking meals for the family. Participating in our new normal. 

If families had strained relationships prior to social distancing, this can be particularly difficult. Still, developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld has previously spoke about the impact of forced dependency on attachment relationships. Here, he has identified that when teens are put in situations where they are required to need guidance and help from their parents it may have a corrective influence.

Remember that there is help for your family if you need support navigating these times. Many providers, including our team, are offering phone or FaceTime sessions, and we have provided a list of some distress services (free mental health support) below.

Distress Centre (free 24/7 crisis line) 

403-266-HELP (4357) TTY (for the hearing impaired) 403-543-1967 

Kids Help Phone(24/7 national service offering professional counselling):

   1-800-668-6868

Woods Home Community Resource Team Call:  Seven days a week, 24-hours a day

Text and LiveChat: 9 a.m. to 10 p.m.
Mobile response: 12 – 7 p.m.

403-299-9699 or 1-800-563-6106
Text: 587-315-5000

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Food, Mental Health, and Wellness.

Farmer’s Market Freshness

This month our team is sharing ideas about “beating the blahs” in November. This, of course, is the non-technical term for dips in mood, increases in anxiety and stress, and overall decreased sense of wellbeing that many people face in the colder months of winter (and apparently fall this year in Calgary).  

Rory Hornstein, RD

Even though many of us will struggle more with mental health challenges in the winter, the link between diet and mental health is a year-long issue. This week we had the chance to talk with our resident Registered Dietician, Rory Hornstein, about the link between diet, mental health, and wellness and here’s what she had to say. 

“Studies suggest probiotic applications to the gut can reduce anxiety and depression via the vagus nerve. 

Questions remain that touch the core of being human: 

(i) Do our microbes influence happiness and to what extent? 

(ii) What components of the gut microbiota and their function relates to mental health? 

(iii) What role do environmental pollutants (and diet) play in this microbes-host ecosystem? 

Quick Tip: Reach for real food first. Eat a minimum of five fruit & vegetables and at least five servings of whole grains daily

Lower bacterial diversity has been observed in people with inflammatory bowel disease, psoriatic arthritis, type 1 diabetes, atopic eczema, coeliac disease, obesity, type 2 diabetes, and arterial stiffness.  The association between reduced diversity and disease indicates that a species-rich gut ecosystem is more robust against environmental influences, as functionally related microbes in an intact ecosystem. Consequently, diversity seems to be a generally good indicator of a “healthy gut”. Specific foods and dietary patterns can all influence the abundance of different types of bacteria in the gut, which in turn can affect health. Changes to the gut microbiota can occur within days of changing diet. We can increasingly modify health through food and measure the effects through our microbes or metabolites. Fiber is a key nutrient for a healthy microbiome.

Oatmeal, a Favorite Winter Breakfast.

(i) High-intensity sweeteners are commonly used as sugar alternatives, being many times sweeter than sugar with minimal calories. Despite being “generally recognized as safe” by regulatory agencies, some animal studies have shown that these sugar substitutes may have negative effects on the gut microbiota. Sucralose, aspartame, and saccharin have been shown to disrupt the balance and diversity of gut microbiota. 

(ii) Food additives, such as emulsifiers, which are commonly found in processed foods, have also been shown to affect the gut microbiota.

 (iii) Other areas of concern include the side effects of popular restrictive diets on gut health. These include some strict vegan diets, raw food or “clean eating” diets, gluten-free diets, and low FODMAP (fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharides, and polyols) diets used to treat irritable bowel syndrome. I have completed FODMAP training through Monash University in Australia. 

This is one of my favorite resources on gut microbiota and diet. It is evidence based – the link below highlights a few of the articles on gut microbiome as related to mental health”. https://www.gutmicrobiotaforhealth.com/en/?s=mental+health

Our Team Learning About Nutrition

Rory brings her insight and skill-base to our team, as we help our clients navigate mental health challenges, achieve performance goals, and build healthy relationships & lifestyle. We are a collaborative team and a wellness home and are excited to work with our clients on multiple facets of mental health and wellness. This, right here, is why I love the collaboration on our team.

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Letting Go

We are passing into October now, and rolling out our spotlight on “Letting Go”, a theme which was suggested by Christy our clinic manager. We were in a brainstorming session, laughing to tears when Christy blurted out “Letting GOOO!” On a side note, I believe in the value of laughter because it builds comradery, makes us love going to work, and because we are in a more cognitively flexible and creative space when we are able to laugh. So, it is by design that our brainstorming sessions tend to look more like an amateur hour open-mic. So, as I gasped for air, Christy repeated, “Letting Go” and then offered thoughtfully, “like the trees let go of their leaves to make space for something new.” *sigh* She went deep. 

Make room for change by letting go of things that no longer serve you.

Do we need to let go? Let go of what? Why can’t we let go? How do we let go? Can talking about it really help us let go? Is letting go of thoughts different from letting go of behavior? These are the angles that our team will explore, each from their own perspective and area of expertise. It is so amazing to see how approaches from our dietician, social workers, and psychologists weave together to form a complimentary and yet differentiated fabric. I’m excited to participate and learn this month. I am excited to explore how we can make room for change by letting of of the things that no longer serve us.

Over the last 10 or so years I have become increasingly enticed by the inner culture of the human mind, and eager to learn how contemplative neuroscience may inform the pursuit of wellness. I was excited to engage with clients in a way that seemed more intuitive to me; one that moved beyond examination of how a client thinks, to one that delves into what a client gives their attention to. Undoubtedly there is much to be gained by reframing catastrophic interpretations of events (i.e. I am such an unlovable idiot) to more balanced thought (i.e. I really messed up there, I don’t like it but I don’t have to be perfect), but this generally does not address one of the most negative mental health habits that we have. Self-obsessed thought addiction. 

Self-focus leaves us feeling isolated and yet strangely over-estimating the amount amount of interest we capture from others. It is like a return the ‘world is my stage’ period of earlier development, with all of it neurosis along for the ride

Most of us are just a little too invested in our own story-line, and convinced in the importance of our thoughts. This is problematic as most of the narrative generated by our survival-driven-problem-focused brains is incorrect. It’s wrong, its unneeded, but we buy it. Reframing thoughts about yourself is still thinking about yourself, but before you take it personally I should mention that it is the western-world-brain default mode. That is right, there is circuitry in our brain that is geared to direct attention and focus to ourselves, to keep us occupied with who we think we are, what we’ve done, what to do next, and how others see us. As this self-focused network drives attention inward, habituation helps you to stop noticing things in the world around you.  During habituation, the brain produces fewer neurotransmitters in response to a stimulus, so you don’t have to keep paying attention to it every time you see it. Really this part is for the sake of efficiency, so you can focus on tasks at hand instead of noticing the mundane, like the feeling of your clothes (which you may now be thinking about because I mentioned it). Makes sense until it becomes a general way of being. 

Without perspective, thoughts consume us, and cloud us from reality and each other.

There are costs associated with the habituation / self-focus habits such as decreased wellbeing, increased stress, and emotional volatility. I know as a mom I am far more reactive to the family when I am stuck in my own thoughts. I am also far more likely to feel amped up, have difficulty sleeping, and make absent minded moves (like the time I drove through the underground parking lot with the back hatch of the SUV open… *smash*). In cases of anxiety and depression the self-focus becomes quite skewed through lenses of fear and negativity, and thoughts become drawn further out into the future or focused on the past. We end up living in an alternate version of our lives, one that hasn’t happened (and likely won’t) or that didn’t happen the way it is being played out (human memory is incredibly flawed) Intuitively I also wonder about the cost of self-focus on our collective compassion for and connection to each other. How can we love each other, if we don’t notice each other? 

Letting go of the mental health habits can start with simple noticing. Noticing the narrative of your brain and how often it pulls you away from the experience you are having now. Be curious, you don’t have to judge it, and you don’t have to give weight to the thoughts. Just practice observation. Of course, there’s more to it than that, but this is a starting point. Start by letting go.

Change is slow, but really where else do you have to be?