Category: Education

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How to Implement Home Schooling, as a Parent

One of our wonderful team members, Dr.Liann Meloff, took time to share her thoughts for parents who are trying to adjust to the idea of homeschooling their children.

As we have hit the last week of March, many of us had planned to be enjoying spring break with our children on a tropical island, taking hikes in the desert, skiing in the mountains or having a staycation with daily outings.  Instead we are all wondering how we are going to keep our kids occupied and more importantly, how will we ensure they learn everything they are supposed to for the last part of this school year.  As most are not nor have ever been teachers, how to implement “home schooling” is the challenge parents are now facing.  As a psychologist and previous educator, I encourage parents to focus on structure (routine), balance and of course fun!    

Creating structure and routine for your children around schooling at home (and other areas) can be valuable in reducing monotony and increasing efficiency. 

Structure.  Schools provide children structure from the first morning bell to recess and lunch to the afternoon bell.  Structure is also implemented throughout the day with core subjects and non-core subjects.  Creating structure and routine for your children around schooling at home (and other areas) can be valuable in reducing monotony and increasing efficiency.  Structure does not have to mimic what your children had at school, however beginning with the simple basics of getting up at the same time, having a shower, changing their clothes, and eating breakfast can help with productivity for the day.  It also helps to promote and maintain normalcy.  Creating a schedule with your children provides an outline for what is expected.  Schools focus on core subjects in the mornings (especially for the younger children) when they are most alert.  Non-core subjects often take place in the afternoon.  There are many online examples of a school day that can be altered to meet you and your child’s daily needs.  Chores and fun events are encouraged to be added to the schedule!

Homeschooling has the advantage of having a much broader range of non-core courses that can provide increased stimulation, greater learning, and more fun!  For example, baking helps kids with their reading, mathematics, and learning time. 

Balance.  Schools provide balance with core classes, non-core classes, physical education, socialization, and much more.  Creating and maintaining balance will be important for you and your children.  Too much in one area be it schoolwork or video games is not healthy for you or your child.  Homeschooling has the advantage of having a much broader range of non-core courses that can provide increased stimulation, greater learning, and more fun!  For example, baking helps kids with their reading, mathematics, and learning time.  Many board games have a math or spelling component (Scrabble, Yahtzee, cribbage).  YouTube videos are plentiful and on every topic your kids will be needing to learn. These are great to allow someone else to spend time teaching your child and gives your child input into how they learn.  Bike rides, skate boarding, and dog walks are all different ways of having gym class.  The more fun you can make learning for your child the more they will learn and enjoy learning.  Realistic expectations of yourself as a non-educator and or your children will be important for everyone. If we can look at this time as an opportunity for your children to learn in different ways, have different experiences, and even catch them up or push them forward in their academics, the easier this will be. 

Many board games have a math or spelling component (Scrabble, Yahtzee, cribbage)…..The more fun you can make learning for your child the more they will learn and enjoy learning. 

Dr. Liann Meloff, Registered Psychologist, maintains a broad base of clients including adults and couples, and she specializes in psycho-educational assessments and in the treatment of children, adolescents and families.

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Decline Parent Guilt as We Become ‘Teachers’

In the first week since classes were suspended I have noticed that in addition to anxiety about financial difficulties and fears of a loved one becoming ill, many parents are struggling to keep guilt at bay while transitioning to home-schooling. Yesterday one mom noted that guilt is running on high in her Face Book Mom’s group that is now proliferated with down to the minute color coded schedules, learning times, snack time, and ‘guided free play’. There is a pressure to be at-home (yes, listen to that one), and to be mom, teacher, after-school care provider, leaving no room for the parent to be human, emotional, or exhausted.

As someone who has worked in the field of mental health and child development for twenty years, please let me tell you that it is good and OK to take it slow. Relax. Think of it this way, when a new teacher joins a class or a new school year begins, no one is running on full educational mode the very first day.

The younger the child, often the longer the period of adjustment, and this would be particularly true if there were any high stress or traumatic event that preceded the new teacher or school. As I encouraged earlier this week, we will adjust to this new normal, but we need to give ourselves time to adjust. Remember that young kids are always learning in some form when they read during game time, count the number on a dice, or cook a meal. 

Art is an incredibly useful way for us to learn and process feelings.

Learning is predicated on relationship, which includes relationship to the teacher, to the school environment, and to self as a learner. You do not have to have it all figured out on the first day of this long-term change. In fact, take it easy and have a looser schedule that you can build on after you see how both you and your child(ren) are doing. If you are anxious and overloaded, you cannot expect yourself to keep calm when you are dealing with challenging behaviors or a frustrated learner. You are not a superhero and should not expect yourself to be ‘on’ all day long. Breaks for everyone in the house is recommended, and in the long run will be essential. I am inviting parents to be as thoughtful about the impact of home-schooling on their relationship with their child as they are on the educational goals. 

Here are a few thoughts for week one:

1. Dealing with boredom is a life-skill, and one that teaches kids early skills for emotional regulation. Sitting, without a screen to entertain them, requires a child to feel a difficult feeling, recognize it without overreacting to it, and make a choice about what they would like to do about it. Do not fill every minute of the day. 

Many parents feel pressured to have every minute planned and the day chalked full of learning or physical activities. Resist this, especially in the early days and weeks of home schooling.

2. Free play is not the same as parent-guided play.  Most parents have a very hard time playing with their child without introjecting and filling the gaps. This is great because it allows the child to practice social skills like being flexible and adopting the ideas of others; however, playing on their own is different altogether. Solo play allows kids to process their own ideas, create freely, and be responsible for their own entertainment. 

3. Promote rupture and repair of attachment. This means that during an activity, you transition the child in and then excuse yourself for a brief moment, with a promise to return. Then return at the scheduled promise. If your child is too young to tell time then you can say, “I will be right back I am just going to load the dishwasher…”, then make sure you come back. If your child is glued to you, then this will require a lot of encouragement and practice, and you may have to leave the play and stay in the room initially. Down the road this will enable you to complete a small task like a putting in a load of laundry, rather than being 100% on deck for your child and cramming those tasks in to their nap time.

4. Quiet time is recommended. This is solo time in their room if possible. They can nap, read, play quietly, and you should rest too. Please do not fill this with work tasks or social media. Your mental health is important. 

5. Screen time does not make you a bad parent. Yes, some parents keep the screens running in their house, use screens to entertain whenever their child really just needs attention, and don’t monitor what their child is watching. For those parents, screen time is negative and harmful. However, thoughtful screen time in the midst of active parenting is not worthy of the guilt it causes. If you are the only parent at home, and you have been actively working with your child, and you need to prepare dinner but every time you try it ends up with you losing your temper and the child in an outburst, then I would suggest that this is a useful time to use screens. Be thoughtful and intentional, and stop vilifying yourself. The other reality is that many learning activities now utilize a screen

GET OUTSIDE (Photo taken at RockyMountain Flatbread, many weeks ago)

6. Get outside daily, and be considerate of yourself. You may be experiencing a dip in mood and energy, and although you believe a ‘good’ parent would run laps around the yard chasing a ball, you really should be realistic about your energy level and emotional state, and perhaps take a walk instead? Use outdoor activity as an aide to you so that you can get a mental break in your day. Most kids are like wind-up toys, and so small outings rather than large ones are often more helpful. 

7. Use technology to connect your kids to their peers and family. Short video calls to chat, show each other the latest creative masterpiece, and be silly can be very helpful. The younger the kid, the shorter the time will likely be, but it can still help them to see someone other than their family. 

We’re here to support you, and each other, by phone or FaceTime during this challenging time. *photo taken many weeks ago*

Remember that many providers, including our team, are offering FaceTime and telephone support to families at this time. Please reach out if you are struggling.

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When Change Helps School Success

“Is my kid just being lazy?”, is one of the most common questions parents ask when their child fails to thrive in the educational system. It is equal parts heart breaking and frustrating. The student swears that they are trying, you see them on their phone. They could do more, couldn’t they? Then we turn our angst on the teachers. Why do they keep calling? Why can’t they teach my child? If they can’t help, how am I supposed to? It is a helpless place to be, and one that often drives a rift between parents and their children. 

HW can be peaceful

People want to feel successful, to be successful. When a child underperforms it is rarely true that it isn’t because they don’t care. It is more often because they have given up or can’t succeed. When they give up, it is rooted in frustration, and it is important to get to the source. Common sources include undiagnosed learning differences, attentional challenges, low self-esteem, and / or peer issues. When they ‘can’t learn’ it may be due to a host of issues and again including distractibility, anxiety, and /or unknown learning differences.  It is important to understand that learning differences are neurological / cognitive in nature, and require more than effort to overcome. 

Psych-ed assessments are important to consider when there are concerns relating to performance, effort, and interest in school. These assessments may or may not lead to a formal diagnosis; however, they will often lead to suggestions or accommodations for the student. While some parents are reticent to allow for accommodations (i.e. not ‘real world’) or fearful of accommodations (i.e.my kids will be ‘different), these are myths of the past and accommodations have emerged as one of the most critical actions that can be taken to help kids succeed. 

Dr.Liann Meloff took a few moments to share her thoughts on why accommodations matter:

Dr.Liann Meloff R.Psych, is passionate about removing barriers to learning success.
photo credit: SuperCorporatePeople

“Every child has areas of strength and areas that are weaker when it comes to learning.  Many children are able to adapt to the requirements in a classroom and be successful. However, there are also many children who require accommodations to their learning to help them be successful (and reduce frustrations).  Accommodations are changes that remove barriers to learning.  Accommodations are not changes to what children learn, rather how they learn.  For some children it is clear what accommodations they require to support their learning whereas for others it requires more in-depth assessment to determine what the barriers are to their learning, and determining how to remove them. Accommodations are important to help children be successful whether they are gifted, have a learning disorder, are slower processors or have ADHD.  Examples of accommodations include providing extra time for children who have slower processing or experience anxiety; using a keyboard for writing assignments to promote increased written expression; and reducing the number of questions on a test to promote quality and success.”

Interested and have more questions? Please join An Evening with Dr.Liann Meloff, October 1, 2019. 5:30 pm. Please call to reserve your spot! Location TBD.